I received my new voyager cell phone today and this post is being written on it’s tiny keyboard. Now I have to practice taking pictures and video’s with it and post them.
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday. I’d like to be six again, she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster… everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favourite candy - M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure !
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, “Well Honey, what was it like being six again?”
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. “I meant my DRESS SIZE, you stupid ass!!”
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong.
My Maxima is officially dead, I got a check from State Farm today and went out and picked up my new vehicle. It is a new 2008.5 Nissan Titan 4×4.
My mother likes this joke so much she sent it to me twice this week.
A USMC sniper was real good at his job. This sniper had a method. He would yell out some insult at the enemy and when someone stood up to reply, Bang! One less insurgent! After every mission the company commander would ask ‘How many insurgents have you shot today?’
However, on this particular day when asked about the number killed, he reported ‘Five killed and I let one go.’ ‘Let one go?’ roared the company commander. ‘What do you mean, you let one go?’
‘Well, I yelled out ‘Osama is a Homo!’ Then this big insurgent stood up and yelled ‘Hillary is a Bitch!’ I just couldn’t shoot a fellow Republican!’
I was on my way home last night when I had an oncoming vehicle with his brights on coming towards me. As he passed a deer ran across the road from behind him. I stood on the breaks and missed him, but not his partner. I hope there is not enough damage to total the car. This 1998 Maxima has 167,000 miles on it but I have never had a better car. It had it’s first non regular maintenance repair only a couple of months ago when the alternator went.
